Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
