You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
