You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
