i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
