oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
