CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
