she was so not down for the gang bang
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
