yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
