why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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