Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
