She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
