you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
