the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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