Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
