Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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