He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
