jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
