I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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