So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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