roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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