the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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