I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
