You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
