My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
