I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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