just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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