Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
