I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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