You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I could fuck to npr.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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