my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
