Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
