He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
