I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize