are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
