I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize