My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
