I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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