every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
