My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
