Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
