He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
