No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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