I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
