Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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