Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My liver just broke up with me...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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