alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
