what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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