I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
