Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm having to shit out rocks
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
