On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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