did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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