you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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