so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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