Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
