ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
