I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i believe in u and ur pee
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