Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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