My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
