ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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