The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
