Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
