i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
