The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
