I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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