She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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