eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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