that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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