Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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